“Like, You Know, Whatever”

(Cyberspace) — An increase of area-wide talent for clear, concise professional writing has been traced to resident John Jordan. Though he composes roughly the average amount of handwritten notes, emails, and word processing documents as others in the workforce, his readers agree he is different. His skills at building brands have also been noted.

“You know, in addition to being concise, understandable, and benefit-oriented, John’s writing can be insightful, witty, and, dare I say it... entertaining,” said Phyllis Grobley, who read his brochure on bovine and porcine plastic surgery. “Often, when a brochure comes my way, I glaze over with numbing boredom due to the plain copy, run-on sentences, or corporate management-speak.  But John’s writing makes me actually want to move on to the next paragraph. I even re-read it to savor the freshness,” Grobley said.

“Good ideas just seem to come to me,” Jordan said. “At first I thought my love of writing was abnormal, but then I realized how much I could help business people who can’t do what I can do,” he added.

Another reader, Floyd Rustworthy, is in the market for automotive scrap metal. “Before I read John’s print ad for the One-Eyed Dog Scrap Yard, I had only considered Ned’s Junk Heap and Pudge’s Pile-O-Rust.” Rustworthy appreciated that the One-Eyed ad included information about their convenient, searchable database. The ad also pointed out the owner and staff use belts with their pants, and bathe at least three times a week to ensure a semi-non-offensive shopping experience. “I ain’t no prissy Creative Director or nothin’, but the ad spoke to me and guys like me. I’ll be goin’ to One-Eyed Dog first,” Rustworthy said.

Delicious Press Release Editing

While writing well is a skill Jordan uses to help businesses, he also edits well. Tim Snakely, owner of The Grease Trap Cafe, was about to send a press release trumpeting the Cafe’s new health code improvements. “I had one of my managers write the dad-gum thing, because I thought they had the best education. John took a look-see and marked it up pretty good.  (He) pointed out all the mistakes, and even came up with some better lines,” Snakely said.

“The Grease Trap had recently been slapped with a hefty fine for some violations," Jordan explained. “It seemed to me the Health Inspector just caught them on an off day. What are the odds of two elderly customers dying during the same lunch hour? But Tim went all-out to recover the Grease Trap’s reputation and a press release was a great idea to showcase the improvements and get the over-60 crowd back in again.”

The edited and refined press release was picked up well, as Snakely entertained three interviews from press outlets and one review. Snakely added, “I’m really glad I had a professional like John edit our press release. Now I think I’ll have him cook up some nice ads for us. I love the font Hobo. Maybe a huge headline in warped Hobo with rainbow gradients and a thick drop shadow would grab some attention?”

“Uhhhhhhh... no,” Jordan scowled, as if being clouded in a pungent, foul odor. “Just let me handle it.” Snakely nodded. “Will do.”

Marketing Consulting... Is Good!

Jordan’s brand building expertise is not limited to writing or editing. The Portland Roses, of the All-Woman Football League called on Jordan to critique their logo ideas and color scheme, suggest promotional ideas and marketing avenues, and attend three advertising agency pitches. Speaking on the benefits of having Jordan as a marketing “coach”, team owner Patti Barbarella said, “Moving ahead with a marketing professional like John really boosted our brand in the community, which was a great help. John called great plays. We scored good ideas, viable sales avenues, and realized which agency would serve us the best. He was a great cheerleader, too!”